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Life With Lizzie:

One week to go until Father’s Day. Blocked. Here we go again.

My relationship with Lizzie had always been strong. Was Jane the disciplinarian? Yes, to a degree. But it would be unfair to paint her as the “strict parent” and me as the “fun one.” Life isn’t that simple. I took my role as a father seriously – more seriously than I often let on. Alongside instilling values like honesty, patience, kindness, compassion and love, there were countless hours of shared play and mutual silliness.

Jane’s parenting style was different, as it should be – we were never carbon copies of each other. As a mother to a daughter with complex needs, Jane understood the importance of clear boundaries and the occasional need to say “no.” She was more likely to stand firm, while I sometimes gave in. Our lives weren’t all discipline and struggle, nor were they only fun and games. We tackled each day’s challenges together, drawing from the hard-earned wisdom of parenting a child with FASD. We knew the importance of clarity, repetition, endless patience and careful foresight.

Together, we supported Lizzie – and one another. We were so proud of how she was growing in humour, faith and empathy, despite her significant academic struggles. She had no formal qualifications, yet we were immensely proud of the young woman she was becoming. We were ready to do everything we could to support her on the long road to adult independence.

So here’s my point: there is absolutely no legitimate reason why Lizzie would want nothing to do with us – or with her grandparents, godparents, aunties, uncles and cousins. There is no logical explanation other than the deliberate and externally imposed severance of all family ties through manipulation, coercive control and threats.

What happened to a vulnerable and impressionable young person like Lizzie raises serious safeguarding concerns. Despite substantial evidence pointing to coercive and manipulative behaviour on Coral’s part, both Adult Social Care and the police appeared to fall short in their duty to protect Lizzie. In my view, this represents a deeply concerning failure in safeguarding and professional responsibility.

Despite everything – countless hours of meetings, letters, calls, emails, research, reports, podcasts, blogs, and the immense emotional labour of explaining this crisis to officials and politicians – we have not seen our daughter in a year and a half. Our entire family has been barred from contacting her. This is largely because official agencies have chosen to maintain and legitimise this situation.

Why?

Meeting with Focus Adult Social Work:

The meeting with the senior member of Focus Adult Social Work is still going ahead at the end of June. Thankfully, I will be supported by my solicitor. The fact that I even need to say that reveals how drastically my approach has shifted.

PR Campaign:

I’ve said this before: this saga is now about far more than just Lizzie. A PR campaign is taking shape in collaboration with a local agency. However, I will not initiate any public activity until after the Focus meeting. Depending on that outcome – and as we near the second anniversary of Lizzie being taken – there will be a need to escalate efforts and raise public awareness.

We must shine a light on the glaring safeguarding gaps in institutional practices, and the chilling apathy that seems embedded within systems designed to protect people like Lizzie. Her vulnerability to predatory influence stemmed from her FASD diagnosis and a general IQ within the range of intellectual disability.

What’s stopping any young adult with a similar profile from being taken, isolated, manipulated and exploited the moment they turn eighteen?

Right now, absolutely nothing.

That horrifying reality must be confronted – no matter how or when our own situation is resolved.

The storm clouds are gathering.

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Thank you for reading. If you have any insights, comments or advice, please feel free to add them below.